"Man is a knot into which relationships are tied."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
This past weekend, I moved into my beau's condo. We chatted about finding a new place together in Cardiff, where I love, and all sorts of different possibilities, but in the end, what made sense for here and now is to combine our lives into a home a little further away from the sea than I normally prefer.
Compromise. It's an interesting concept, and one in which I'm not very used to practicing, because in my life, I've fought hard for the things that I've wanted and have pretty much been able to manifest everything — even the ones that were tall orders — thanks to a lot of moxie on my part, the support of the Universe, and of course, the people in my life. Being the eldest of four children enhanced this idea of being gung ho and not taking "no" for an answer.
Now that we're sharing space together, especially because it's a place that he owns and has been in for years, it's a matter of creating something new together, so that it feels warm and welcoming for the both of us. I'm grateful that he continues to encourage me to infuse my creativity into the house, and is willing to adapt and shift whatever needs to happen, so that it feels as though we're both building upon a fresh foundation. Best of all, he's given me free reign to transform our office space/guest room into whatever I'd like it to be, and because my last apartment was only a scoche bigger than this second bedroom, it's as though I'm creating my own studio space within the condo.
We agreed, prior to moving in, that it'd be important for each of us to have space to be ourselves, since we're both incredibly stubborn and independent at times. And, over the past few days, I've realized that I have lived on my own for so long without having to adapt to anything or anyone, that it's taken more openness than I thought to accept having someone else around in my space, even when we're not in the same room. Energetically, I can sense that there's another being around, and it's definitely different from what I'm used to.
Last night, when I said that I was having a little bit of a hard time adjusting, I mentioned that it'd be nice to have a "safe space," a zone where I can just be in my writer-ly head and girl-out (I believe he does the masculine version of this at the driving range and on the golf course). In fact, when having dinner with his parents the other day, his father even commented on a story he had read about a family who specifically have a room in the house where fighting and disagreements are not allowed — a Zen room of peace and love. We both thought this was a wonderful idea. I mentioned to my beau that I was thinking of bringing the Japanese futon I had been using as a bed at my last apartment into the spare room for both friends and myself and he immediately offered to grab it from the closet downstairs, so that I could have it in my office space if that would make me feel more comfortable.
We're both cognizant that we've lived with previous partners before, and they've never turned out as we had hoped. We've shared with one another that we don't want to make the same mistakes, and because this relationship and the potential ahead is meaningful to the both of us, we're a bit more cautious and conscientious about each next step we're taking, because we'd like to "get it right" this time around.
The other concept that's coming up and proving a bit challenging is patience. As my business coach said, it takes energy to be impatient, because you're trying to force things to happen that would either get there on their own time or simply turn out in ways that would be best for the greater good, ways that you couldn't foresee. So, I'm telling myself that with time, we'll find the perfect couch and the just-right accessories and continue creating a home that we're eager to come back to again and again. Most importantly, I'm reminding myself that the one thing you can count on in life is change... and even if it's not the most comfortable at times, it may be just what I need to grow into more of my life, and that rather than resisting, I can learn to embrace it with open arms.
How do you feel about living with your partner? How do you both share space in a way that honors each of you and the dreams that you're building together? What happens when children and pets are added to the dynamic? What lessons have you learned that you feel are valuable to share?