"You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens."
This is going to be a short and sweet post, right before I run into a private Reiki session. During meditation today, I realized that I have been loving others with conditions and clauses. When I was growing up, my parents were very temperamental with their care. They would put exceptions on their affections, only giving us attention if we received straight-A's or behaved just as they had envisioned in their heads.
In my adult relationships now, when surrounded by unconditional care, I view it with skepticism and doubt. I have a hard time believing that someone is going to love me if I'm not performing at 150% of my potential. And, in my intimate relationships, I feel that I do the same as my parents did, only loving when things fit the script I've crafted in my head, which even an intuitive person would have a hard time unfolding.
I want to love with all my heart in a way that inspires greatness. This is where I would like to live from, the place where Rumi wrote from, where I am open in a way that makes every moment in life a miracle to embrace and honor and share.
I write these posts as a way for my brain to re-train itself into a new way of thinking, to process experiences that perhaps others share so we can form a sangha, and to perhaps one day look back and witness my own development into a beautiful soul.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. May you inspire ripples in this vast ocean we share. Let's ride the waves together.