"You know you have found love
when you can't find your way back."
Maybe I never have been in love. I mean, I have. I know that my first love was the first time I experienced all those sensations that songs, poems, and heartbreak are written about. The second time, I thought that I found my true love. The third time, I falsely believed I found the love for the rest of my life. From that point forward, it seemed a downward spiral of giving myself over to men who didn't deserve it.
Of course, I learned lessons along the way. In yoga, we learn that there is never anything wasted. Everything is a perfect opportunity to learn and grow into the next step we are meant to take. Yet. the process of unfolding can be extremely unpleasant at times.
Now, here I am, excited to meet my soul mate...
I've seen love in other couples. While I know not to base what's happening on the inside by what's being revealed on the outside, I've seen relationships that work, and work very, very well. I know it exists.
A long time ago, I was encouraged to write a list of the attributes that I would like my partner to have. It ended up being quite a long while. Lots of my friends have done the same thing, and when they met their mate for life, they were surprised at how their partner embodied all of the qualities they had asked for. My list has changed over time, but it never seemed like I was able to find that dream guy.
I didn't find the person who is extremely chivalrous, who always opens my car doors, and who treats like I am the most important woman in the world.
I didn't find the person who is very generous with his time, attention, affection and more, offering it to me when I need it most and in all the moments in between.
I didn't find the person who is spiritually open to greater ideas and exploring different elements of life together.
I didn't find that person who is creative and intelligent, funny and wise, active and athletic, spontaneous and responsible all blended together.
I didn't find that person who is so extremely thoughtful that he plans romantic dates and trips, leaves me little love notes, make me lunches for the day and breakfast in bed, or goes out and picks up coffee before I wake up, because he knows how happy all of these big and little gestures make me.
I didn't find the person who balances my alpha, who's a true provider and protector.
I didn't find the person who is irresistibly attractive in all ways to me, and a phenomenal lover to boot.
None of that. Maybe a hint here and there, but none of it in a complete package that makes my heart delight.
I know he's out there, wondering where I am, just like I'm doing. And, I'm not in a rush, I'd just like to have a greater sense that he exists, so that I won't ever have to compromise all I've ever wanted the way that I have in the past. I get that relationships take work — but not that much work when you meet the right person. And I get that relationships require compromise now and again, but not on core beliefs, principles, respect, honor, and integrity.
I've let myself yield in so many ways, because of old beliefs I've held onto about what I'm worth or what a relationship should be like that I'm now working through all of that, so that I can both receive the best of the best and offer it as well.
My two criteria are fairly simple and it goes both ways:
1) My partner for life is my very best friend, who I feel absolutely comfortable with and unconditionally loved.
2) My partner for life is truly the best person I know in every regard.
The thing is, I've been able to manifest my dreams come true in virtually every aspect of my life. For some reason, when it comes to relationships, there seems to be a bit of doubt that I'll be able to manifest the same sort of amazingness.
This just shows me that there's work I still need to do on my end to ensure that I'm on the right path, that everything within me and around me is in alignment, and to practice faith that the right person will come along at the precise moment it's meant to happen.
I don't doubt that it'll all come to fruition and this part of my life will be as incredible as everything else. Just because I've been through so many situations where it hasn't turned out well, I sometimes question how it'll all come to pass. Perhaps, all of those previous experiences were so I could learn what I don't want in order to figure out what I do, which is equally valuable information. It'll also help me appreciate my soul mate to the moon and back when we finally come into one another's lives.
Above all else, I'm excited to meet him. I cannot wait to connect with the person I get to spend the rest of my life with and create our dreams come true... together.