"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."
When I don't write, I feel like I can't breathe. Lately, I haven't been writing. So many thoughts in my head, not sure where to process, making things harder on myself than they need to be. Rather than going for round two of overeating tonight, I'm choosing to create a different neural pathway, a healthier habit. Here it is.
I posted a caption to this photo above on Instagram earlier today, "I cannot wait until the day when I spend part of my year living in #Hawaii, part in#SanDiego, and the rest touring around the world teaching, speaking, #writing, and living my #dreams come true!#manifest #fun#realityiswhatyoucocreate#unlimitedpotential #thankyouUniverse."
Next, I'm creating a game plan for all the things I'd like to do — in due time. I've been warned by coaches and colleagues in the past that I have so many ideas, it gets packed like the 405 freeway in my brain, which prevents me from either executing my brainstorming or moving beyond an initial hard push. I'm learning to actually follow through for the long-haul, and to get out of my own way while doing so. It's a problem I've heard echoed by others when they're at a crossroads in their careers, or simply when they're pursuing their passions... with so many possibilities ahead, I become stuck in not knowing which step to take next or how to be okay with it not being perfect once it's out in there in the world. Slowly, but surely, I'm figuring out how to move through the maze and even iron out the boundaries from L-shapes and dead-ends to the straight and narrow (or it it "arrow?").
As part of this entire process, I'm practicing faith. I'm holding hope, creating sacred space for my greatest potential and wildest ambitions to come true, co-creating to my best efforts, and then relinquishing any attachment I have to the results, because I am trusting that the Universe knows even better. Always, this or something better.
I'm learning how to live in authenticity, to care for others, but not take care of them. To express my needs as a priority, as much as I place importance on the well-being of those in my life. As such, I'm acknowledging that perhaps an experience/relationship that's been close to my heart isn't exactly the best fit right now and that's okay. I'm seeing where I could use help in growing my career through collaboration. I'm letting in the support, even when it comes in ways that I wasn't quite expecting, but are still answers to prayers I've put out there into the Universe.
Ultimately, I'm learning how to be honest in my imperfections and embrace myself where I stand right now. Even if it doesn't look the way that I'd like it to, my life is still moving on the up-and-up. Having been held to high standards all my life in the traditional Chinese household I grew up in, it's really hard to let go of expectations, but every time I practice being present rather than perfect, I feel like I can breathe. My creativity comes alive. I am more joyful.
This is the new habit I hope to form. One where I am lighter in the world and not so heavy in the heart, no longer weighed down by perceived failures, but instead, immersed in the glow of triumphs (baby-steps or big bounds) and truly choosing wisely for me. This is me, becoming the amazing woman who's been longing to gracefully and powerfully come into this world.
This is me, now.