Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 11 Letting LOose Challenge: Getting a tattoo.

"Our bodies are apt to be our autobiographies."
~Frank Gillette Burgess

It's been awhile since I've updated this blog, mostly because it became abundantly clear that unplugging was essential! (Another Let LOose Challenge?)

When I graduated from my advanced 300-hour yoga teacher training program, I was given a Sanskrit name... Parvati. I didn't know much about her, until I did a bit of research and became absolutely wow'ed that the Director of the program felt this was the name that best suited me — wife of Shiva, mother of Ganesha, the essence of woman embodied. She is the Goddess of all Goddesses, including elements of Kwan Yin, a deity I've identified with since I was young.

I could never describe why, but I've always felt that placing my hands at my heart in prayer pose was one of the most reassuring things I could ever do. Recently, during a craniosacral session, my dear practitioner Gary told me that it's bringing the past in one hand to meet the future of the other into the present, with all fingers pointed up towards the Heavens and the thumbs straight towards the heart. 

I've spent my life at odds with myself, because the others around me could not handle my light. Again and again, I'm reminded that I am the only person who will ever stand in my way. So, after a lot of consideration, and a bit of impulsiveness as part of this endeavor to move away from perfection towards release and surrender, I decided to go ahead and do it. I got a tattoo the Sanskrit for Parvati to remind myself of the divinity that exists within me, of how people see me NOW and not simply how I'd like to be seen one day. 

What's more, my desire to get a tattoo was partly to remind myself that my body is a costume, that it's a home for my soul, but that it is not the be all and end all of everything about me. Having endured so much self-abuse through bulimia and body dysmorphia, I felt a strong need to shift my focus away from  often loathing perceived physical imperfections to celebrating the scars and the parts about myself that are beyond beautiful, because I define them as such.

I am more brilliant than I ever have believed myself to be, and moment-by-moment, I am living that into existence.