Saturday, June 1, 2013

Day 18 Letting LOose Challenge: Not having to prove a single thing to myself — or anyone else.

"Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown."
~Author Unknown

Sometimes, when I walk down the street, I have this sly smile on my face. In my head, I'm thinking, "Do you know who I am? Oh, you just wait. I'm gonna rock it." Those are the days when I feel like I have Divine support behind me, beneath me, above me, and within me, so that I can face forward in ways that allow the mysteries to unfold beyond what I could've planned. (It also happens when I'm listening to a really good song, music being the catalyst for many a transformation.)

My master teachers have offered me two pieces of feedback about my yoga teaching that are interrelated: "Your messages are so powerful, that if you chose just one as a theme throughout your entire class, it'd be even more impactful." Just this morning, I was listening to a podcast that touted the spaces in between, the silence, the Swiss cheese effect as where the most magnificent ideas can come to light.

The other observation is, "It seems you feel like you have to prove yourself constantly." This was offered more as what I do in my daily life off the mat where, and I like to say this in class, the real yoga happens. When I was healing from my eating disorder, my therapist would often say, "The real therapy is what happens when you leave this room." 

It's easier to remove distractions and obstacles when you're in a safe and sacred space, but that's not where we live life. For most of us, we have to-do's and obligations and goals we're looking to achieve that cannot solely be done from the four corners of a therapist's office or within the perimeter of a mat. 

In one sense, it seems that because I'm aiming to prove that I know what I'm talking about or that I'm worthy of love and respect, that's why I offer so much when I teach. In another respect, it's simply because there's so much knowledge I'd like to share. And finally, sometimes, I'm just inspired by something that happens, a little of that magical Divine intervention using me as a vessel for a meaningful message to come through. 

Ultimately, I get what they're saying. That, in the silence, my students can discover more of their own journey and in so doing, connect the dots for themselves. So, how do I do less? How do I trust that by actually taking a step back, focusing on pulling in my energy and attracting rather than outwardly and occasionally aggressively seeking, that I'll not only get what I've always wanted, but even better? How do I embrace the belief that by not doing a simple thing except for breathing and being, that that's enough? 

Well, through practice. I have a lot of love in my life. I have even more blessings. And every challenge or concern can actually be flipped around into the most wonderful learning and growth opportunities. Despite existing in a culture that thinks more money in the bank, prettier clothes, and a higher echelon of status means that I am better somehow, I am reminded again and again that the most important thing is that I am happy with me. That's all. 

Because our standards are different everywhere; they change depending on situation or circumstance. After all, meeting a well-known yoga personality may be very meaningful to me, but could be absolutely nothing to someone who's a NASCAR fanatic. But what doesn't change is being a good person. Love. Those things prevail. They are translated into every language, and can be interpreted when simply being around that energy. 

During stand up paddling with a friend yesterday, she was relaying a line in the recent HBO Liberace movie: "Too much of a good thing is wooooonderful."

And, y'know, just for today, I'm going to practice believing that I'm exactly that. Wonderful. Just as I am. No need to do or say anything special. No need to climb a personal Everest. I'm just going to act like I'm wearing an invisible crown all day long... and see how that feels.

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