"To find someone who will love you for no reason,
and to shower that person with reasons,
that is the ultimate happiness."
I haven't written in this blog in a little while, partly because since moving to Kauai, what I've been working on is becoming the woman who I've always wanted to be. True, this is a lifelong process, but the thing that no one tells you about moving to an island is that if living in paradise were easy, everyone would do it.
There's an initiation phase, some say. There's this proving of yourself and this willingness to demonstrate commitment, before the island will reveal her love. Or, there's the simple understanding that what we believe is reflected back to us all the more quickly, similar to karma, because what we're living on here is a small little circle, so that what goes around comes around — fast.
I love Love. I realized that the other day, as I've been moving from haze to clarity in fostering a new voice. My friends, my coaches, say they can hear it in my voice, that real growth has happened. Even though, in the midst of everything, it may not feel like it so much to me, what I've done apparently is learn to love myself more than ever.
When I was in Maui visiting a friend, we went to a restaurant, where the busser was this unexpectedly accomplished man in that he not only worked at an organization for the blind and deaf, but that he himself used to be blind six years prior. Through the donation of organs from two separate individuals (a middle-aged man and a young girl), he was gifted sight once more. He told me, as were chatting briefly and sharing similar stories of why we found ourselves on Hawaii, that after a year of being there, he could say with confidence that he loved himself more than he ever has in his life.
"The dark parts about you will be darker than you thought; the light parts about you lighter than you thought. But, I'll tell you this, you'll know all of yourself very well," he smiled.
He was right. I've encountered dark nights of the soul here. Very, very, dark nights of the soul. I thought for a second that maybe I made the wrong decision, but in my gut, I knew I hadn't, because even though I thought of somewhere else I could move to, I already knew from experience that no matter how far I flee, I will still meet myself. So, where better to explore and discover everything than in this isle of Kauai?
One of my coaches said recently that it's vital we self-generate that which we're looking for, because it's in doing so that we attract what we ultimately want. I want love. I have wanted love since before my birth, I feel, and it truly is the most important thing in the world to me, that I'm only now freely and willingly admitting to myself and then to the world around me. While I tend to be hard on myself, my coach pointed out, "You haven't been doing this process very long! You're still a sprout! Give yourself time to grow!" And yet, a part of me feels like I've been on this journey forever, so would Love hurry up already?
That's where Divine Timing comes in. Trust. Faith. Surrender. And this amazing practice of letting go, so that I don't have to be in control anymore, because shoot, at the end of the day, I'm still human. No matter how much I tap into my Infinite Self, I came into this incarnation to be human and experience everything to the fullest. The bigger picture stuff, the really vital and crucial stuff, that stuff isn't for me to determine solely. It's a co-creation. I set my intention, and then I ask for "This or something even better" trusting that the "even better" may not have even come into my imagination yet.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I could easily get down that I'm spending it solo, but I'm actually not. I have this whole Divine Guidance Team of angels surrounding me, and I have friends and family who love me, and most importantly, I have myself.
I've been asking myself a lot lately, when I get stressed or worried, "What do you need, honey? What do you need in this moment right now?" And surprisingly, I know. And even more shockingly, I'm able to give it to myself. THAT is growth. That is huge. That is where my life is now.
I want to celebrate that. We don't have very many rituals in our society anymore, and practices like these give us comfort. They help us know what to expect and to honor what we're surrendering in order to grow into the next evolution of who we are.
So tomorrow, I have an opportunity to create a new ritual. One that celebrates my relationship with myself. It'll be like my very first Valentine's Day, because I really never have loved myself like this before. I haven't ever allowed myself to embrace that I'm amazing. And that in shining brightly, in being all of my light, that I don't take away anything from anyone else — rather, I help illuminate the path for others to discover that brilliance within themselves, as well.
How will you celebrate your Love Day?